Trauma Healing From Spiritual Abuse: The Journey

By Anna Ram. ~Psychologist ~Integrative Pastoral Counseling

Healing is deeply personal and it is a process. Some steps you can take for your recovery as you embrace “Self-discovery”:

• Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who understand. Whether it’s friends, family, and a therapist, this support system is crucial.
• Acknowledge Your Experience: It’s okay to feel pain and confusion. Recognizing that your feelings are valid is the first step toward healing.

• Reclaim Your Voice: Start expressing your thoughts and feelings. Journaling and talking to someone help to rediscover your identity.
• Set Boundaries: How important is this step! Learning to say “no” and distancing yourself from toxic influences, even if you have to move to another group or location. Your well-being matters!  (God called Abraham to leave his relatives and his land, although Abraham sent back servants to choose wives for his children, this step was necessary for him to reach his next level with God.)

How Can You Rebuild Your Faith?

Recovering your faith in God and the church is challenging but it is possible.

• Take Your Time and distance: Don’t go too far for too long. But apply yourself to process your feelings about faith and the church. It’s okay to step back and reflect on what you genuinely believe and what part is your responsibility, if any.
• Seek New Perspectives: Explore different interpretations of faith or of your faith. Reading diverse theological works or engaging with different spiritual communities (denominations), can help you find a renewed sense of connection. Do not depart from the Truth. Find groups that align with your values and beliefs. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who can foster a sense of belonging. Group belonging is so important, and I cannot stress this more. It is our emotional experience of being accepted, valued, and connected to a community, or new environment. Includes the feelings of inclusion and support, where we as individuals  we feel integral part of something larger than ourselves.
• Engage in Personal Spiritual Practices:  Practice makes the habit.  Habit becomes discipline that sticks you to your routine. Spend time in prayer (start with 1 minute every time you remember a day.) Meditate in God’s word in creative ways to reconnect to spiritual renewal. Do not abandon your spiritual disciplines that nurture and grow your faith.

The Role of Forgiveness

Ah! This part is the end of this evil game and must take place. Forgiveness is a complex part of healing. It doesn’t mean excusing the harm done to you; rather, it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment towards the offender. Forgiveness is part of the Lord’s prayer and is even conditioned for our  own healing process. “

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” OR “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Matthew 6:12.

Learning to Trust Again

Rebuilding trust in people, including friends and authority figures, is daunting.  A few ideas:

• Start Small: Begin by opening up to those who have shown themselves to be trustworthy. Build relationships gradually.
• Watch and Set your clear Boundaries: Communicate your needs and expectations. Healthy boundaries can help you feel safe in relationships.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be patient with yourself, accept your imperfections. Love yourself.
• Trust:  Understand that it’s okay to be cautious because trust takes time and also is within the limits of our boundaries. Trust has to be earned. Trust is often built on the consistent behavior of others. We need to see that someone is dependable and trustworthy over time. (demonstrated reliability). Also, we must see accountability; when someone demonstrates accountability for their actions, it reinforces the idea that they can be trusted.

How to Behave with your Spiritual Abuser?

Prioritize your safety and self-care. Avoid engaging in arguments and document the incidents, for legal purposes, when necessary.

Finding Hope Again

Albert Einstein said: “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Take time to identify what matters most to you. This can guide your decisions and help you align with your true self and feel the joy and the passion for life that only God can give you.

Remember, many have faced similar or other struggles and emerged stronger. Pastor Rick Warren said it many times: “God does not waste our pain. He uses it to prepare us for a greater purpose.” — Best seller “The Purpose Driven Life.”

Pastors Rick Warren and his wife Kay, founded and pastored a mega church, named Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. They experienced the loss of his son, Matthew, in 2013. He struggled with mental illness and die by suicide. He was 32 yrs old and was survived by his wife Kerry and their 3 children. I am sure both families and friends and the church members, struggled in deep pain and sorrow for Matthew (who also suffered the illness), their faith in God was tested through “high fire” but they were are to recover finding theirs strenght to continue living a good life and doing good. Their ministries:  Daily Hope, Finishing the Task and Celebrate Recovery, reflect how this tragedy influenced their advocacy for mental health awareness and support, for humanitarian initiatives and their commitment to serve those in need. They found their healing (a process) in the opportunity of a New Day, as they embrace God’s purpose, one day at the time. God is always there for you!

THIS IS A NEW DAY! Jesus continues saying today: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30.

@This is a New Day,  we facilitate online groups with focus on Trauma Healing, twice a year, during Spring and Fall. If you want to participate, we invite you to registered at: info@thisisanewday.org