Conflict Resolution: Strengthen Relationships and Personal Growth.

By Anna Ram~ Psychologist, Coach and Prepare-Enrich Certified Facilitator

This psychoeducation-reflection is part of our September series: “Navigating Relationships: Insights for Spiritual and Emotional Well-Being.

In despite of the abruptly upsetting and disruptive function that conflict brings into our relationships and emotional well-being, conflict is not the enemy. Is better we see it as what it is. Conflict is not a crisis, nor a chaos. It’s an opportunity for  our growth and deeper understanding that comes with self-reflection and action steps.

What Exactly is Conflict?

The etymology of the word “conflict” traces back to the Latin term “conflictus,” which is the past participle of “confligere.” This term combines the prefix “con-“ meaning “together” or “with,” and “fligere,” a verb meaning “to strike together” or “to hit.” Thus, it conveys the idea of “striking” or “clashing together.”

• Conflict is a disagreement or clash between individuals or groups, often arising from differing values, goals, interests, or beliefs. It can be constructive or destructive if not resolved.
• Conflict is a common experience, whether we face it ourselves or observe it in others.
• Conflict is inevitable.
• Conflict is necessary.
• Conflict is a multifaceted phenomenon that extends beyond mere conversations. It encompasses emotional, behavioral, cultural, and contextual elements that must be understood and addressed for effective resolution.

In today’s digital age, technology provides instant access to communication and social media, leading to a “proliferation of conflict.” This rapid escalation of disputes occurs across various contexts, including personal relationships, organizational dynamics, community tensions, and international conflicts.

Max Lucado, an American author, speaker, and pastor at Oak Hills Church in San Antonio, Texas, says that “Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.”

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned couples relationship expert, says, “Conflict is not only inevitable but also necessary for growth in relationships. It is how we handle conflict that determines the strength of our connections.”

Who do likes conflict… Raise your hand? Many people do. Specially those who like to create conflict. This depends on their behavior or motivations or as a byproduct of their personality. These conflict creators are called: Instigators (provoke), agitators (Stirs-up trouble), contrarians (oppose norms), conflict entrepreneurs (those who benefits financially or socially by creating discord.)

In the other hand, there are other people who had learned from relationships and communication sciences to become skillful in strategies to master effective conflict resolution. Also, there are other few, whose personalities help them naturally to navigate the heat of conflict.

Science and Our Perception of Conflict or Perceived Threat

Cognitive Appraisal Theory supports that our evaluations of conflict shape our emotional responses, determining whether we see it as a threat or a challenge.

Operant Conditioning supports that our behaviors in conflict are learned through rewards and punishments, leading individuals to avoid situations perceived as threatening.

Neuroscience : The amygdala detects threats, triggering emotional fight-or-flight responses.

Social Learning Theory: We learn conflict responses by observing others.

Confirmation Bias supports that we focus on information that reinforces our existing beliefs about the conflict.

Our Psychological Responses

When perceiving a threat, individuals exhibit four psychological responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These responses are interconnected and shaped by context, past experiences, and emotional state. While sensitivity can enhance awareness and lead to quicker reactions, it is not solely responsible for reactivity. Conversely, emotional numbness can impair threat recognition and response effectiveness. To manage overwhelming situations, sensitive individuals can improve self-awareness and use mindfulness techniques, while those with emotional numbness may benefit from professional help to reconnect with their emotions and enhance threat recognition.

I have prepared this table for our comprehension. Let’s explore these responses and identify yours.

Table. Four Psychological Responses~ This is a New Day.

Conflict Resolution  Strategies

Conflict resolution is vital as it tackles a core element of relationships. Unresolved conflicts can result in resentment and emotional distress, while constructive conflict resolution promotes understanding and collaboration. This process enables individuals to emerge from disagreements with a stronger connection, even if it requires time.

Effective conflict resolution involves key components and strategies designed to address and resolve disputes constructively, such as:

1. Communication: Open dialogue and active listening are crucial, requiring patience, vulnerability, and humility.
2. Understanding Interests: Identifying the needs of each party and finding common ground necessitates empathy.
3. Negotiation: Collaboration to find solutions and compromise is vital, often involving yielding from both sides.
4. Mediation: Sometimes, a third party—such as a professional mediator, therapist, counselor, friend, or leader—may be needed to facilitate a structured resolution process.
5. Implementation: Following an action plan based on mutual agreements fosters growth and strength.

Emotional Intelligence (EI): Emotions play a significant role in both conflict and its resolution. Regular training in EI enhances self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication. This training involves practicing active listening, managing emotions, and understanding others’ perspectives, which leads to better relationships and decision-making, ultimately improving well-being and performance in various settings.

Therapeutic Process: In therapy, counseling, or coaching, a structured process addresses pain, negative emotions, and unresolved issues that can harm psychological well-being post-conflict. Despite the stigma surrounding therapy, it is a healthy and safe approach to healing and personal or professional growth. Seeking therapy should be viewed similarly to visiting a doctor for physical health, whether for routine check-ups or necessary interventions.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9 (NIV)

This is a New Day! info@thisisanewday.org