Positive Communication: Building Stronger Connections in a Divided World

By Anna Ram~ Psychologist, Coach and Prepare-Enrich Certified Facilitator

We continue exploring the art of communication for healthy relationships, the role of emotional intelligence, and how to navigate the complexities of our emotions. This is part of our September series on “Navigating Relationships.”

The concept of communication refers to the process of exchanging information, ideas, thoughts, or feelings between individuals or groups. It involves a sender, a message, a medium, and a receiver.

Effective communication is essential for understanding and collaboration in various contexts, including personal relationships, business, and society at large. Humans communicate to relate and exchange ideas, knowledge, feelings, and experiences and for many other interpersonal and social purposes.

Communication is the channel by which we also connect with God in a two ways’ direction. All God’s Creation has a voice that reveals God’s handiwork.

For instance,  “The heavens tell the glory of God,” (Psalm 19:1). Animals communicate through vocalizations, body language, and chemical signals, such as ants and bees, which convey information about food sources or danger.  Plants communicate through chemical signals and root signaling, while Microorganisms use quorum sensing to coordinate group behaviors, such as biofilm formation.

All points out to God’s purpose to interrelate and interconnect his creation through forms of communication useful for our functionality and survival.

Another example is in Job’s speech as he reflects with his “annoying friends,” in the midst of his great pain, loss and suffering, he says: “But ask the animals, and they will teach you,  or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,  or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature  and the breath of all mankind.  (Job 12:7-10).

What is Positive Communication?

When it comes to Psychology, Positive communication is essential for creating and maintaining healthy relationships and a healthy mind. Positive communication help us express our feelings, share our needs, and connect with others in meaningful ways.

Positive communication is not just about avoiding negative talk; it’s about using words and actions that uplift and support others. It promotes physical, social, and emotional well-being. “Is the presence of positive, enhancing, and facilitative talk and gestures.” (Pitts & Socha, 2013.)

Benefits of  Positive Communication

Good communication is linked to our overall health. Bolton emphasizes that “our personality development and mental and physical health are linked to the caliber of our communication.” Poor communication can lead to feelings of loneliness and distance from loved ones.” (Bolton,1986)

Leal, points out that “lacking communication skills can result in serious issues, such as broken marriage relationships and chaos in the workplace and society.” (Leal, 2017.)  In a time when many people feel disconnected and misunderstood, fostering positive communication can help bridge these gaps.

Key Components of Positive Communication

Dr. John Gottman states, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” This highlights the significance of nonverbal cues and the emotions that may not be explicitly expressed but can be read “between lines” with active listening and observation. (especially in counseling.)  In conversations or in a public speech we also can “read” those verbal cues, emotions and gestures as we communicate messages.

Key Components of Communication

Verbal Skills: Clearly expressing thoughts using appropriate language and adjusting tone based on the audience or receptors.

Nonverbal Skills: Body language, facial expressions, and eye contact are crucial in how messages are received.

Listening Skills: Active listening involves focus, empathy, and responding appropriately.  (this skill  requires focus, attention, engagement and feedback to the communication’s transmitter.)

Empathy

When we approach conversations with empathy, we understand better others’ perspectives. Brene Brown, defines empathy “as a place we go with others. Is an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding, only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain. If not, is not real empathy. Is not walking on someone else’s shoes but learning how to listen to the story they tell about what it’s like in their shoes and believe them even when does not match our experiences.” (Brown, 2021).

Empathy is not the same as compassion, nor as pity. In fact, pity is the near enemy (near because undermines it and becomes an enemy) of compassion. Compassion is a daily practice.

The Power of Words

The words we choose can either build bridges or create barriers. When we disagree or misunderstand each other, we can still maintain a bridge through conflict resolution. Choosing our words carefully can help reduce conflict and promote dialogue. If we lack words, we can increase our vocabulary by reading, looking the meaning of words in dictionaries, listening to high level speakers, resolving crosswords, learn another language, etc. (some words meaning varies in foreign languages.) Proverbs 15:1 states, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This reminds us that even in disagreements, we can maintain respect and understanding when we opt for the gentle side. Always, stay in the side of “positive.” I know… it is hard, especially when we are “verbal and reactive.” (try to bite your tongue… and read James chapter 3(The Holy Bible, New International Version, 2011), and the wisdom found in Proverbs, the book of wisdom.

The Dangers of Intolerance in Public Discourse

It is relevant to include this aspect as we live in a world where intolerance and division can often overshadow constructive dialogue. The importance of positive communication has never been more critical. We are seeing increasing intolerance and division in private discussions, in social networks, and in public discourse. This environment is leading individuals to heated arguments, hate speech, and even violence, rather than constructive conversations. Many individuals feel that their voices are not heard, which can create frustration and anger. Others feel empowered to say anything they want without restrictions, under the banner of their right to free speech. This intolerance and increasing disconnection is not only in United States but also in a global scale as we have more use of technology and access to social media networks and streaming services.

When engaging in discussions about sensitive topics, it’s crucial to approach them with empathy and respect. Especially, when trying to establish biblical truth, or addressing any sensitive topic, taking in consideration that people receiving the message feel their safety and small world is threatened.  The saying, “My right ends where your right begins,” reminds us that while we have the freedom to express our opinions, we must also respect the rights and feelings of others.

Intolerance can escalate conflicts and create barriers to understanding. It is essential to recognize that effective communication can help reduce these tensions and promote dialogue, even in challenging situations.

Understanding Emotions

Language. Thank God for language that helps us to name and express our emotions, and for the brain, for doing its work!

Sometimes, we may struggle to identify what we’re feeling. In therapy, we use tools like “The wheel of emotions” that helps to recognize and name a person’s feelings and dive deeper in the “layers” of emotions and matters of the heart. Emotions often coexist and can mask each other but recognizing this improve how we communicate about our feelings.

I’m including a copy of Jorge Bucay’s story “Sadness and Anger” that teaches how emotions mask each other. Enjoy!

The Role of Perception

Perception is also in the mix of how the message’s receiver interpret what see and hear. Perception can be influenced by:

• Interpretation: Our brain processes information based on past experiences.
• Attention: We notice different things based on what we focus on.
• Individual Differences: Everyone perceives things differently based on their culture, beliefs, and experiences.
• Contextual Influence: The situation that can change how we interpret information.

In conclusion, effective and positive communication is about more than just exchanging words; it’s about connecting with others on a deeper level. It involves recognizing the emotions behind the words, using language thoughtfully, and engaging in respectful dialogue with empathy. By embracing these principles, we can foster stronger relationships, resolve conflicts more effectively, and promote emotional well-being in ourselves and those around us.

As we strive to communicate positively, and become spiritual and emotion intelligent people, let’s remember the wisdom of James 3:13: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” There are 2 kinds of wisdom.

Let’s communicate with kindness and understanding, with the peacemaker wisdom, creating a better environment for everyone and for ourselves.

“You only have one life to live; make sure it is yours!” ~Antoinetta Vogels.

Sources:

Bolton, R. (1986). People skills. Touchstone.

The Holy Bible. (2011). New International Version. Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/

Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the Heart. Random House.

Carnegie, D. (1998). How to win friends and influence people. Gallery Books.

Leal, B. C. (2017). 4 essential keys to effective communication in love, life, work—anywhere! Including the 12-day communication challenge! Author.

Pitts, M. J., & Socha, T. J. (Eds.). (2013). Positive communication in health and wellness. Peter Lang.