By Anna Ram- Psychologist~Integrative Pastoral Counseling
Happy Love and Friendship Day!
Today our calendars mark an opportunity for a celebration of love and friendship. Is a good weekend to pause the routine of our lives and make it special with love ones and even be kind to everybody around us. This pause, in our lives serves a reminder for love improvement, too.
Let’s be real! Many people prefer to love their pets or their material goods more than people. But love is a transforming force that connects us deeply to our fellow human beings and back to God.
Love begins in the heart. But the heart is linked to the brain: both the right hemisphere and the left hemisphere. The right hemisphere feels the emotions and the left hemisphere analyzes and rationalizes them. But many of us have heard the saying: “the heart goes where it is taken…” and there, goes the heart.
In this reflection, we will focus on how loving ourselves is the first step toward building meaningful relationships, in line with the teachings of Matthew 18 and the command to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.” In our previous blog, I mentioned that This is A New Day leads classrooms were we meet for Bible studies and also for healing groups. Currently, we study the Book of Matthew in a virtual group. If you want to participate, you can register in the contact form. Registration is free.
To set this reflection in context. I connect you to Matthew 18, courtesy of Bible Gateway. In Spanish Reading and Audio . In English: Audio Reading
Loving Ourselves
Social Scientist Researcher, Dr. Brené Brown, known for her work on vulnerability and self-esteem, emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance. She states that “the ability to be loved begins with the decision to love ourselves,” because by caring for and valuing ourselves, we are better equipped to “guard” our hearts and love others.
HOW WE LOVE OURSELVES FIRST?
Self-Acceptance
Jesus puts self-acceptance as the basis for relating to others. When we love ourselves, we cultivate a healthy self-esteem that allows us to give and receive authentic love. This is critical to establishing healthy bonds that thrive.
Humility in Our Relationships (Matthew 18:1-4)
In Matthew 18, Jesus teaches about humility by saying, “Unless you change and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” Embracing humility allows us to open our hearts to others (a sign of vulnerability.) This kind of love (of transparency) helps us to connect genuinely and to build healthy and sincere relationships.
In the context of family love and friendship, being humble means that we are aware that no one is perfect. This understanding empowers us to be compassionate and accept our own and others’ imperfections.
The Force of Forgiveness and the Context of Seventy Times Seven (Matthew 18:21-22)
Forgiveness is a loving action necessary to strengthen our bonds. When Peter asks how many times he must forgive his brother, Jesus replies, “I do not say to you up to seven, but up to seventy times seven.” Here, it is worth considering the historical and cultural context of this passage. To do this, I tell you a biblical story from which the sinful behaviors appear in the fall of Parents Adam and Eve and their family. When they are taken out of the garden, envy, anger, pride, jealous competition, deceit, lies, lawsuits, strife, and the lack of forgiveness and desire for revenge begin, which led to the first murder.
The Story of Cain And Abel
Cain, Adam and Eve’s first son, farmed the land, while Abel, his brother, tended the animals. Each one brings an offering to God: Cain presents fruits of the earth and Abel offers a lamb from his flock. God accepts Abel’s offering, (an offering that anticipates the concept of sacrifice for atonement, which is developed in the Mosaic law within the Jewish context) but rejects Cain’s (who wants to do it in his own way) which causes Cain to feel angry and discouraged. From there, the following events are triggered:
God Warns Cain
In Genesis 4:6-7, God speaks to Cain and warns him about his anger, saying, “Why have you been angry? And why has your countenance fallen? Though thou wilt do well, will thou not be exalted? And if thou wilt not do good, sin is at the door; yet it shall be his desire to thee, and thou shalt have dominion over him.” (This means that by not doing good, the door to sin is potentially opened before us. But we have the choice to resist, dominate, and control His invitation and even reject it.)
The Crime
Despite the warning, Cain murders his brother Abel. Genesis 4:8 says, “And Cain said to Abel, ‘Let us go out into the field.’ And it came to pass, while they were in the field, that Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and slew him.” (Cain did not want to listen to the warning and refused the option by letting sin at the door take over him.)
God’s Punishment, Promise of Protection, and Vengeance (Justice)
After the murder, God confronts Cain. In Genesis 4:9, Cain responds to God when God asks about Abel: “I do not know; Am I my brother’s keeper?” Then, in Genesis 4:10-12, God tells Cain that he will be cursed and that the earth will not give him its strength, adding, “Whoever kills Cain will be avenged seven times.” This mentions the idea of revenge (judgment) to establish order for justice.
Lamech and Vengeance
Finally, in Genesis 4:23-24, Lamech, a descendant of Cain, mentions, “If seven times Cain will be avenged, Lamech will indeed be seventy times seven.” This reflects an extreme revenge mentality that spirals downward, degenerative over generations, and also pollutes neighborhoods, territories, communities… countries. When a matter is unresolved and in the worst scenario, when innocent blood is shed, the blood of this individual(s) is asking for God’s justice. Not matter if the individual killer is jailed and sentenced, still needs to seek and ask for God’s forgiveness and grace. Retribution is being made and Divine justice is served, the innocent has received justice all together. The land has been cleaned of the pollution of this act. The kingdom of God is established.
Forgiveness: How Many Times?
For this reason, Jesus contrasts this infamous event in his teaching on forgiveness in Matthew 18:21-22, when Peter asks how many times he should forgive his brother. Jesus answers, “I do not say to you up to seven, but up to seventy times seven.” This response of Jesus revolutionizes the notion of revenge, urging the community to practice unconditional forgiveness rather than perpetuate a cycle of violence and retribution. Here, Jesus redefines the standard of human relationships, calling for a radical disposition to forgiveness and grace. It is the “new political and social order” that brings the rules of His Kingdom: The Kingdom of Heaven, The Kingdom of God, which with all its components, is internalized in our new way of life in Christ Jesus.
Every time we choose forgiveness, we break the cycle of harm and cultivate an environment of love and understanding in our relationships.
The Importance of Community (Matthew 18:19-20)
Community is vital to our emotional well-being. Jesus says, “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
This shows us that our connections are not only family members but also include friends and the wider community. Being surrounded by people who share love and support for each other is critical to our happiness. Science supports this idea, as it has been shown that relying on a solid and healthy social network improves our quality of life. That is why the name of Jesus in the midst of two or three already makes manifest the presence of God for that order of peace, unity and agreement. It is to return to the Garden of God and take the walk with him in the afternoons.
Communication: Resolving Conflicts (Matthew 18:15-17)
Finally, Jesus teaches us how to handle conflicts: “If your brother sins, go and rebuke him alone.” Open and honest communication is essential to resolving disagreements. Attachment theory emphasizes that healthy relationships based on communication are stronger and more fulfilling.
On this day, let’s reflect on our disagreements and unanswered questions. Let’s take the initiative to communicate with honesty and love, seeking to resolve any conflict that separates us. Conflict Resolution
Call to Action: Practice an Act of Love Today
I invite you to choose an act of love that you can carry out soon. Plan when and how you’ll do it. maybe a visit or a phone call. Be intentional and clear in your communication, showing respect and humility. Calmly, accept the other person’s response, and if it doesn’t go well this time, remain patient to try again in the future. (it counts with God.)
Loving God, loving ourselves, and loving others is an ongoing journey that begins within us.
By strengthening our bonds, we reflect God’s love for all of us and contribute to building a new world order full of joy and love, peace and justice on this earth.
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